Crazy & Annoying Co-Workers Part II

The end of last week was pure bliss. The woman who sits next to me was on vacation the latter part of the week, and no supervisor on Thursday or Friday. I'm paying now though. She caught a cold while on vacay and now I'm being subjected to intermittent noise emissions from her mouth that sounds like a cat trying to cough up a hairball - ick. Overheard this gem yesterday as she was speaking to another co-worker about her 2-year-old neice, "well, you know when they start re-enacting with one another, that's when the real trouble begins." Uh, what - re-enacting? Don't you mean "interacting?"

When I was first hired, I was assigned to Dr. T. No one wanted to be this dude's Admin. because basically, he's afraid of technology. We have a database that we enter cases into. The Dr.'s were responsible for typing in the appropriate info, then pass it along to the Admin. for further processing. Well, Dr. T refused to do it, so he would dictate his cases onto tape, and I would transcribe them. Archaic, I know. He would be going along pretty good, then all of a sudden he would belch or clear his throat. WTF!? I had to put the check down immediately on THAT nonsense. So, one day I went into his office and sat down. Me: "Dr. T we cool right?" Him: "Yes." Me: "Well, I don't know if there's any nice way to say it, but you have got to stop belching and clearing your throat on tape." Him: Turned a little red. "Oh, I'm so sorry about that. It won't happen again." Problem solved. But, then there's this. Dr. T's breath is so bad, it could melt fiberglass. I am not lying. We've all tried to speculate on why - all day coffee drinker, doing the Atkins diet, plain ole halitosis, rotten teeth? Who knows, but when he's talking, it's like a black cloud descends on the area and you need to don a biohazard suit. He also has this habit of patting himself. Yes, down there. At any given moment, his hand might drift south and he gives it a little pat. I am so serious. Believe me, I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to. Another co-worker thinks he's checking to see if it's still there and my response to that is, where the hell is it gonna go? To top it all off, this man has a wife! He met her on some internet dating site and they ended up getting married. Now if his breath is stank during the day, can you imagine what it smells like in the morning after all them funk particles have marinated all night? Lord, Jesus!

"M" - former supervisor. I suspect she's gay. Why? Because I notice that she occasionally glances at "the girls" (my boobs) when we are having a conversation. I know - ick, right? Also, she brings "J" (a woman) to all of the dept. and company functions (i.e., X-mas party, picnics). "M" is one of those people who makes decent money but is cheap as hell. Now, I'm not one to try to dictate how anybody spends their money, but to me, to be cheap is annoying - especially those that ask how much you paid for something, then criticize you 'cuz they would never pay that much. Whatever. "M" delights in telling people about her body functions and her health issues. What comes to mind immediately is she'll see you eating something and say, "I can't eat that 'cuz it would have me in the toilet in five minutes!" Who the hell wants to hear that while they are eating?! Or, she'll say, "I had ________ for lunch and it just went right through me." Apparently, the other day she had a colonoscopy. That particular day, the VP treated the dept. to pizza, so we were all gathered in the conference room chatting and eating. Here comes "M." She sits down and says, "Whew, this is the first normal meal I've had since I had my procedure." So of course, the dumbasses in the room who didn't know they were being baited asked, "what procedure?" Then, she goes on to talk about her colonoscopy. I left the room. One good thing about "M" is once you've gained her confidence (which I have) she will give you the dirt on other people's business in the dept. Luckily and thankfully, she wasn't my supervisor for long, but any chance she gets she'll tell people how she helps "her people" move on to bigger and better things, which is a complete lie. She did nothing to assist me with getting promoted and the same people who worked for her when I did are the same people who work for her today (with the exception of other person besides myself). As a matter of fact, I remember seeking her guidance on possibly obtaining a Master's Degree and she told me, "I don't know what your emphasis should be - whatever you think you like to do." Oh yeah, thanks for that. "M" made the mistake of making derogatory remarks about a co-worker (who wasn't there to defend herself) in a staff meeting. I happened to really like this co-worker, and "M's" remarks were unnecessary. Ever since then, I've pretty much been fakin' the funk with "M" - meaning she thinks we cool, but we really not. She's a cheap, self-centered hater and that's annoying.

Subsequently, me and the co-worker she was talking about ("B") have become pretty tight. She was promoted a year or so ago and you can almost taste the jealousy and envy of those still in the dept. "B" is now in a position where she's privy to a lot of info that these yahoos down here only wish they knew. She's very well-connected in the industry. Those who "have the power" within the company consider her a friend and sometimes seek her advice. These peons down here hate it and of course, we absolutely love it!

"C" - why does she get the hiccups every afternoon? Then, she hiccups with her mouth open which makes it louder. I just want to go over there and tell her, "close your f-ing mouth - DAMN!"

We have a "community kitchen" which contains a small fridge, sink, ice maker and coffee machine (the company provides coffee & tea). About a month or so ago, I noticed people started leaving their dishes on the sink to soak. WTF? Who the hell wants to look at a nasty a** bowl or cup sitting on the sink with floating food particles? I don't. So, I politely washed the dishes, the typed a little note, folded it, and put it inside the cups/bowls - "please respect your co-workers by not leaving your dirty dishes on the sink" or something of that nature. So, later that afternoon, I'm coming back from the ladies room and I walk past the kitchen. One of the offenders is there reading the note. She says, "T, look at this note in my coffee cup!" I read it and make this face like WTF?! LOL! Then she says something to the effect that if they don't like it, they can use the other kitchen. See, that's what I'm talking about. Why should I have to inconvenience myself by walking to the opposite end of the office to use the other kitchen 'cuz your lazy a** wants to leave dirty dishes on the sink instead of washing them immediately? End result - haven't seen dirty dishes on the sink lately - mission accomplished.'

Why would you take your water bottle and stick in the ice machine like it's a cooler at the backyard picnic? Are you serious? This time, I flat out saw the girl do it and called her out right then in there. She took the bottle out immediately, but the damage was done. This time, I did go to the opposite end of the office to get ice and wouldn't use the ice from that machine for about 2 weeks.

I should've labeled this post, "Crazy, Annoying & Nasty Co-Workers."